awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i believe in u and ur pee
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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