So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
