It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
