Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
