It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
