Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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