She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got her a Nickelback box set.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize