I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
