there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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