Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You took a bar mat shot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
