we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
