a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
