three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize