if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
