The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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