Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
