Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
