you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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