her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
