Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
