Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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