I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
