Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
