you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
