so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
