Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Pooping to opera.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
