yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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