weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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