I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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