I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize