She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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