There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
