@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
