Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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