At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
babies were throwing up all over the place
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize