Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
