I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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