i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
