i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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