He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
