just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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