Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
True college students do jello shots in the library
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
