The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
