That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
