he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
