Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize