What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
