when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
