There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
