Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
