my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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