What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
