Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
