I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
