Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
