I'm gonna have a badass scar
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
