You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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