I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
