I wish I could punch you in the face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
