Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
