Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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