My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
