We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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