goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
