I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
