For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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