...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
